4 Ways to Let Go of “Me” and What They Mean for the “We”

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True or False: We can and should try to change our romantic partners.

Answer: False.  But that doesn’t mean our partner’s can’t or shouldn’t try to change themselves.  We can be a major influence for those changes we hope to see. Sometimes we even find ourselves changing because of our partner.  

When “me” becomes a “we,” there are many opportunities for change.  Sometimes those changes happen in the relationship as a whole, like making a single Facebook account for a couple.  But the most common changes happen at an individual level.  When two different individuals begin spending so much time together, it is only a matter of time before those two individuals become more like their partner.

In a recent study, Kevin McIntyre at Trinity University found that allowing ourselves to become more like our partner can play an important role in relationships. However, not all changes have a positive influence.  The study revealed four main types of what are called “self-changes,” or how one partner changes him or herself to become more like a partner, and only half of ... Read more »